Download Antichrist Movie Online

Download Antichrist Movie Online

First off, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist is one of the best films of the year, if not the decade.

Not many are going to share this opinion, which is really a fact. Antichrist has once again sparked a current of reaction and rebellion to von Trier and his work, already always controversial. But it’s hard to know what exactly it is that people, or at least critics, have against von Trier. His public pronouncements seem to irritate them. His threshold-stretching films seem to make them uncomfortable, as do the similarly provocative films of Michael Haneke and Gaspar Noe, all of whom had films at the 2009 Cannes film festival. The general attitude seems to be that von Trier is something of a fraud, playing with thoughts like an uncomprehending child with letter block toys. Antichrist isn’t the first film to inspire the opprobrium of the Cannes masses: the masterpiece L’aventura was jeered at Cannes, with the audience shouting “Cut! Cut!” at the film’s lengthy takes of Monica Vitta running down a hall and opening doors in search of her lover.

Assuming that these are indeed the charges against von Trier, they can be addressed simply. It is the role of art in part to make us uncomfortable, to show us the truth of life unflinchingly, though it is hard to take. As T. S. Eliot wrote, human beings can only take so much reality. And if von Trier plays the arrogant buffoon in public in his interviews and sound bites, well, as D. H. Lawrence advised in his vital book of criticism about American writers, trust the tale not the teller; look to the work of art itself, not what the artist says about it or himself. Which leads us to the charge of fraudulence. If von Trier is a “fraud” in the sense that he doesn’t take his own work seriously and enacts the role of filmmaker in order to undermine and toy with audience expectations, that is of small concern to the viewer. If the film is coherent, if it rings right, if it says about about the human condition, then it doesn’t matter what von Trier “thinks” about it or what his intentions were. We don’t really know the “intentions” of Shakespeare – he left no journals or interviews or other records of his opinions – but we have the evidence of the plays themselves, which contain a rounded view of life.

Antichrist is many things at once. It is a religious allegory (the “antichrist” of the title is nature itself), it is a horror film, it is a tale of fairy tale simplicity and resonance, and it is a European art film in the Scandinavian mode of Ingmar Bergman, especially the Bergman of The Hour of the Wolf and The Silence; essentially it is a “two hander” in the manner of a Strindberg play. The film also has traces of Miike’s Audition, and even the Stephen King adaptation, Misery. Antichrist is provocative, but also extremely well written. To my mind, von Trier is under-appreciated as a writer. Dogville is one of the best crafted but also best written of films, a richly detailed, psychologically acute tale with a brilliant management of a complex thought within which numerous characters interact.

Download Antichrist Movie Online

Antichrist will remind horror buffs right off the bat of Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now. Both start with the death of a child due to the inattention of parents, significantly in the case of Antichrist after the child witnesses uncomprehendingly the Primal Scene, though as the wife says later, “Freud is dead.” In von Trier’s thick imagery, death and orgasm are united. The rest of the movie profiles how that death haunts the surviving parents, with both supernatural and psychological elements.

In the case of Antichrist, the married couple are He (Willem Dafoe), a Seattle therapist, and She (Charlotte Gainsbourg), a student working on her thesis. The bulk of the film takes place at Eden, their cabin in the woods, where He takes her for a long therapy session to help her overcome her grief and her panic attacks. Not unlike Jane Campion’s Holy Smoke, this foray into into a private and isolated therapy session leads to disaster: the confrontation of a professional with the ethics of profession and the “patient” with the nature of her identity. von Trier hints at the ominous date with the forrest by frequently cutting to images of the woods, scored against unnerving music or sounds, long before they ever get there, as if the black forest is summoning them for a confrontation. Forests are often scary in fairy tales just as they are in real life. Like oceans, they are theaters in which living things fight for survival nearly invisibly all around you. Certain horror films, such as The Blair Witch Project, capitalize on the inherent dangers and fearsomeness of the forest. Antichrist is very much in line with this theme in fiction, with an overlay of psychological questing. In the forest, He starts to experience the reality of nature or perhaps is simply experiencing visions of its grosser edge, of animals giving birth and of helpless creatures overcome by predators, illustrative of “nature red in tooth and claw.” These visions are the pole ends of what he thinks he is doing and what he is really doing to his wife, “giving birth” to her new identity free of panic attacks, but also dominating her and even preying on her psychologically. That their woodsy getaway is also called Eden links up with some religious concerns within the film (though von Trier skeptics might scoff that as an unbeliever he is using such themes cynically). This Adam and Eve are seeking to re-enter Eden and reshape themselves, with unEdenic results.

Like a Tarantino movie, Antichrist is divided in four chapters, plus a prologue and an epilogue. After the Prologue, in which their son Nick falls out of their apartment window to his death in the snow, there is Chapter 1, “Grief” in which He tries to wrest control of her therapy from the medical profession, Chapter 2, “Pain (Chaos Reigns),” in which they embark on the forest therapy retreat, Chapter 3, “Despair (Gynocide),” in which He learns some disturbing things about the way his wife treated their son, and Chapter 4 “The Three Beggars,” in which their psychological combat becomes physical. Finally, in the Epilogue, He is free of his wife, wandering the forest like a hunter-gatherer, comforted by the re-visitation of the three animals he has seen earlier, but then he is advanced upon by an ambiguous army of females, their faces blurred out.

Not only is Antichrist, which is about psychological states and physical actions that are hard to take and hard to watch – because it is dealing with facets of daily life that we spend most of our time suppressing – gorgeous to look at, thanks to the photography by Anthony Dod Mantle, but its sound production is fascinating (Kristian Eidnes Andersen is credited as the supervising sound editor). The dialogue between He and She is sharp yet rich at the same time, with a weird echoey effect, as if they are always alone in a room. The film uses sound effectively, such as the constant plank-plank-plank of the acorns that fall on the tin roof of their cabin, an audio analog to their disenchantment with nature and Eden. In Returning to Eden, this Adma and Eve find that everything that was gorgeous there is now hideous or hard – in her words, dominated by “the sound of things about to die.” He at first takes a distanced, practical stance toward nature, but that doesn’t work for long.

At first He seems like the epitome of the compassionate husband, a rational man seeking to cure his wife and save their marriage. His approach to therapy, though, could be viewed as reductive as the Bay Watch Philosophy, which dictates that in every episode, someone with a phobia is encouraged to “face their dread.” The Bay Watch School of Therapy erases phobias through confrontation; von Trier’s existential humanism is less serene.

As the “therapy” continues, an underlying hostility of the wife to the husband emerges. But von Trier hinted at this tension early in the film when He is visiting She in a clinic. As they talk, the camera is first on her, then whip pans left to him for his response to her dialogue. von Trier uses this effect repeatedly in the film’s first chapter, to underscore the rage darts that She is throwing at him without his perception of them. These looks, those pans, suggest an underlying contempt for her husband, which suggests the overarching theme of the impossibility of like in such a world as the one we have.

Her contempt comes to the foreground in the forrest when she starts to speak frankly to him about his various foibles, such as his distance from She and Nick “last summer.” But he learns weird things about her, too. For one thing, she was hobbling her son with the incorrect shoes, a fact that shows up in an autopsy report he at first refuses to look at. Her weird mistreatment of her son anticipates her Misery style ball and chaining of He. She also keeps something called a Gynocide scrapbook. Also, the book she was writing becomes increasing erratic in its handwriting (one of two or three subtle allusions to the films of Stanley Kubrick). She also starts to say “crazy” things, though there is the possibility of a terrible truth to them. She asserts that “human nature is evil,” that “women do not control their own bodies, nature does,” that a “crying woman is a scheming woman,” that “nature is satan’s church.” She also speaks the enigmatic “when the Three Beggars arrive someone must die,” which may refer to the three small statues that Nick knocks down on his way to the window, or to the three animal visitations that He sees. In response, He says that she has betrayed her own thesis that she has been working on for so long, and he also tells her somewhat less convincingly that “excellent and evil have nothing to do with therapy.”

There are three key points that will probably make an unsympathetic audience member laugh or jeer. There is the “talking fox” moment (in the husband’s hallucination, he is confronted by a fox who says “Chaos reigns”), the “leg iron” scene (von Trier seems drawn to imagery of men and women hobbled by some large impediment that restricts their movement, as in Dogville), and there is the self-mutilation (which has analogs with numerous films that lots of people like, such as Bergman’s Cries and Whispers, but apparently if von Trier does it, the moment is outrageous, cynical and provocative). But the whole movie will seem stupid to those who don’t want to reckon deeply about life, or prefer superficial films to adult examinations of psychology and tragedy. It isn’t as if the film isn’t thoroughly thought through, unlike so many other recent films. The credits include researchers on misogyny, mythology and evil, anxiety, horror films, music, and theology.

Antichrist is dedicated to Andre Tarkovsky, but a real, though probably unintentional, guiding spirit is Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “In Memoriam A. H. H., 1850″ which refers to a man “Who trusted God was like indeed / And like Creation’s final law / Tho’ Nature, red in tooth and claw / With ravine, shriek’d against his creed.” But I guess if you don’t like von Trier you won’t like poetry, either.

Download Antichrist Movie Online

Is it Sex Addiction or is it Men’s Desire to Display Power and Invincibility?

By nature, men like more than one woman. In the wild, male animals have more than one female partner. There is no law stating that a lion is entitled to only one lioness, but in the land of humans, there is such a law, provided that the man in question is not a Muslim who is entitled to having more than one wife if he is financially capable.

In the Christian world but, things are very different. Therefore, for a man to fulfill his natural desire to have many women, he has to cheat on his wife or girl friend.

If the man is wealthy like Tiger Woods or Steve Philips (former ESPN Analysis and NY Mets General Manager), it is called sex addiction…Or is it? This is the question we will try to answer in our discussion.

Why don’t women suffer from sex addiction like men do? Is it because women aren’t human beings too? Incorrect! Women are human beings just like men are. But, by nature, women do not possess the same desire to have many partners as men do. So they do not have the same propensity or drive to become sex addicts as men so often have the tendency to become, provided that the woman is psychologically stable. One will find that women who indulge in promiscuity have some kind of psychological disturbances.

Men on the other hand, are biologically engineered to fool around! So, should this tendency to fool around be called sex addiction? No! Four men were questioned if there was any such thing as sex addiction, they all completely denied that there was such a thing called sex addiction! Therefore, there is no such thing as sex addiction, but most men who diagnose themselves as being sex addicts do have a problem. But what is that problem? It is certainly not sexual in nature! Those four men interviewed, agreed that there was a problem with men who had the uncontrollable desire to service many women without the regard to their spouses and girl friends. That problem is not so much sexual, but more so, psychological.

Men who are able to control themselves and refrain from having many women also have desires to sleep with other women. But, these men are willing to control their urges, while men who cheat by sleeping with other women, are not willing to do likewise. This is the reason why sex addiction should not be classified as such. It is more of a self control issue than a sexual one.

It is not only men who are well-known who cheat on their wives, and it is not only men who are well-known end up in sex addiction clinics, but men who are not well-known also do too. The men who are not well-known and who cheat on their wives or girlfriends do have a twisted perception of themselves. They perceive themselves as being invincible lover boys or players. They feel the desire to prove to their peers and social group that they have what it takes to have more women than the ordinary guy. They therefore perceive themselves as being the most macho of all men. This gives them a sense of power.

The feeling of invincibility comes in when they feel they can outsmart their many women. When they accomplish this goal, they come and brag about it among their male friends. The macho player-guy then feels powerful among his group of male friends. He now feels adequate enough to be accepted by his male friends. He feels that he is the man with the master plot to get all the women who comes his way.

This is why so-called sex addiction is not an addiction where sex is concerned; it is more about the self satisfaction and psychological fulfillment that is achieved by men who indulge in such activities. This therefore has nothing to do with sex and a lot to do with psychology; it has more to do with inferiority complex than anything else, which is psychological in nature.

Inferiority complex is a disorder characterized by an individual adopting a life style which relieves his or her feelings of inferiority, Alfred Adler. Below, we will shed some light on why well-known men cheat on their wives; a part of the reason could also be inferiority complex disorder, but one thing is for sure; because they are well-known, they get carried away, and act as if they are above the law by doing things that are unacceptable by society.

There has been an inclination to instantly classify well-known men who get caught cheating on their wives as sex addicts. There is no such thing as a sex addict. Well-known men who cheat on their wives lack self control. These men reckon that they can do what they want, simply because they are well-known. They feel like they are on top of the world and that they can do no incorrect because they have financial power. They therefore get a feeling of invincibility.

How many times have we heard on the local news that a Rock Star gets arrested because he or she is driving a car without having a driver’s license or driving a car without the car having license plates and motor vehicle registrations? This situation is no different from a well-known athlete or actor cheating on his wife by sleeping with many women. Even Tiger Woods said it—it is a feeling of invincibility why he cheated on his wife Elin.

Therefore, it is not about sex; it is about the self perceived power and invincibility well-known men feel why they disregard society’s standards of conduct and indulge in behaviors that are hurtful to their wives and like-ones. One will really have to be well-known to truly know this phenomenon.

In regards to the Rock Star example, it is most often the people around Rock Stars that cause them to feel invincible and powerful—can do no incorrect! This is very similar to what happens to well-known women, such as the Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohans of the world.

The female version of lack of self control isn’t meshed in sexual show of invincibility and power. The well-known female displays her lack of self control by intoxicating herself with alcohol and illegal drugs. She intoxicates herself and then gets behind the wheel of a car and gets pulled over by the cops, over and over again until she ends up in jail, where she spends months and months. After getting out of jail, she either stops from living above the law and lives as a decent citizen or continues her intoxicating ways until she finally self destructs and destroys herself all together… too sad to say what the outcome usually is!

We can see in our discussion that it is not about any sex addiction; it is more about the feeling of power and invincibility that one gets especially when he or she is a well-known person! So, please rule out sex addiction as a reason for men cheating on their wives, and rule in power and invincibility as the main reason—we can do no incorrect because we are well-known or we can do what we want because we are lover boys or players!

THE SERIAL MONOGAMIST IS ON THE LOOSE – WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP THEM?

Statistics from the United Nations show a trend of rising divorce rates in many countries in recent years. The divorce rate has been high in many European countries and America, but now many Asian countries are catching up. The divorce rate in Korea, for example, is ranked third in the world.

Many factors influence the choice to divorce or separate. Some reasons commonly discussed in the literature include individual preferences, age, gender, cultural norms and social customs, economic opportunity, and institutional rules, e.g. family policies of marriage and divorce.

Trends in marital instability vary by country; but, a striking distinction is the difference in trends.

When you analyze relevant independent variables such as age, sex, employment, and education are analyzed in relation to marital instability for each country. Additionally, local economic indicators and development there is a pattern that these factors influence the probability of being divorced or separated differently for men and women.

The largest significant degree of divorces occur where married women working and the percent of non-farm labor. Both these variables represent not only what they appear to represent at face value, but also larger societal shifts in the way in which families live and interact with their surroundings

Changes in women’s roles in society and advances in economic development appear to follow similar trends in increase of divorces and separations.

The percent of married female labor participation in a local geographic region is associated with an increase in the probability of being divorced for both men and women, and associated with a decrease in separation for women and an increase in separation for men. Those with less than a high school education are more likely to be separated and less likely to be divorced than those with the equivalent of a high school education. And, finally, local economic development plays a role. Higher development in a local geographic area is associated with an increase in both divorce and separation.

Monogamy is the state of having only one husband, wife, or sexual partner at any one time. The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos “?????”, which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos “?????”, which means marriage or union. In many cases, the word “monogamy” is used to specifically refer to marital monogamy.

Social monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who live together, have sex with one another, and cooperate in acquiring basic resources such as food, clothes, and money.

Sexual monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who remain sexually exclusive with one another and have no outside sex partners.

Genetic monogamy refers to two partners that only have offspring with one another.

Marital monogamy refers to marriages of only two people.

Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or small-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan. This does not refer to a fifth variety of monogamy in regards to the four main types, but is a type of monogamy that can describe any of the four other varieties.

In common usage referring to humans, the two partners need not be married, but may be involved in a sexually monogamous relationship. This behavior is sometimes referred to as a form of, or replacement for,  polygamy.

In animal sexuality, serial monogamy often means that an animal will have a different, but exclusive, breeding partner each mating season. Generally, any animals that do not mate with one partner for life can be considered serially monogamous, including those who find a second mate only upon the death of the first.

Serial monogamy has always been closely linked to divorce practices. Whenever procedures for obtaining divorce have been simple and simple, serial monogamy has been found. As divorce has continued to become more accessible, more individuals have availed themselves of it, and many go on to remarry. It has been suggested, but, that high mortality rates in centuries past accomplished much the same result as divorce, enabling remarriage (of one spouse) and thus serial monogamy.

A serial monogamist is a person who has many sexual partners in his or her lifetime, but only ever one at a time. The serial monogamist will seemingly form what looks like a lasting commitment to one person, but the commitment is usually only superficial. Some serial monogamists are incapable of commitment for a long period of time.

The partnership in the relationship can either be through marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Usually, the serial monogamist is aware of the pattern that he or she follows. Each relationship may be entered into with a how long will this one last frame of mind.

The serial monogamist is usually fully aware of his or her inability to fully commit to another. This does not mean that serial monogamists do not try to commit, but it seems that commitment is not something they feel comfortable with. Compared to serial monogamy, right monogamy is a state in which one person stays with another for his or her entire life.

In the western world, right monogamy is becoming less and less common. Today we see that more marriages than ever split up within three years. Serial monogamists can stay with partners for that length of time or even longer. It is a source of frustration to some serial monogamists that they have been labeled with this title. The serial monogamist’s relationships can last longer than some marriages.

Dread of commitment and perfectionism play a large part in the serial monogamist’s thinking. Childhood influences also a play a large part. Terrible role models from parents give serial monogamists an inherent dread of commitment. They are unable to cope with the pressure of the family unit for long periods of time and eventually seek their independence once again. If the partnership starts to show problems similar to those witnessed in childhood, then it will no longer mirror the ideal the serial monogamist has in his or her head.

Many people reckon that they can be the one to change the serial monogamist’s way of thinking. This is sometimes a futile effort. The pattern of serial monogamy is often so established that the serial monogamist can predict the month or year that the break up will occur. No one seeks to end a relationship willingly if there are no problems. For some serial monogamists, the dread of commitment is beyond their control.

Some people hold that serial monogamy is a psychological problem. They believe that the only way to deal with the serial monogamist’s state of mind is through psychological help. Other people reckon that the term serial monogamist is a cop-out. It can be used as a way for people to give weight to their incapability of sustaining a relationship. Whether it is a psychological problem or not, serial monogamy is usually not a state of mind most people are pleased to live with forever.

People commenting on the subject of Serial Monogamist

Finally I have found the answer to my last relationship failure. A wonderful 2+ year relationship with a man I am still in like with, even though we are now apart. He has had several long lasting monogamist relationships in the 20 years since he was divorced. I finished it , using my head and not my heart, because I found when I really needed him after an injury his depth of caring just wasn’t there, not capable of the ‘normal’ emotions associated with a relationship. I challenged him about being like this and he is quite pleased to go the rest of his life like it, does not want to end up with someone having the responsibility of looking after him when he is ancient – ultimately I reckon this is because he is incapable of doing the same for the person in his life

I had a brief, intense 3 month relationship with a man who really said to me, “my therapist calls me a serial monogamist”. What was I thinking? Esp. when I found his new girlfriend on a well known website and found that he is taking her to the same places, telling her the same things, creepy! Poor girls before and after me! I am glad I got “dumped” when I did. We should always maintain our friendships while we date, even if it is exclusively, you never know who will find you. It was hard, terrifying, life changing, but I have learned a lesson.

I guess I would call myself a serial monogamist. I’ve only ever had small term relationships. I just recently graduated high school and that dating world is all I’ve known. You know how when you’re with someone you spend all your time with them? Even if it’s just hanging out at so-so is house watching movies. I’ve always been the one to break it off and my friends can usually tell when I’m going to before I even do. I tend to exhibit the same symptoms over and over again. Some say it’s because I haven’t found the one, others say I have commitment issues. I guess both are right. But at some point I’d like to hopefully change my ways. I live in a honestly small suburb and my reputation has started to proceed me. Now it seems that no guy will date me because they’re worried of just becoming another number on my list

Yes, maybe it’s best for the serial monogamist to go on through life at a quick pace without having “Legal complications” but, have you ever thought about the people who get left behind in your path of destruction? Those people often experience rejection to a point that it contaminates your self image. I know, I have just come out of such a “relationship” where I am the victim of a serial monogamist. It hurts so much; I can’t even start to describe it to you. So, yes, there is one huge advantage in leading this life style, but only to the serial monogamist himself/herself. Nobody else enjoys the benefits associated to this kind of life style

I do believe that I am a serial monogamist and I wonder if this is why I tend to pick guys who could also be considered serial polygamists. I tend to always be in relationships and despise “cheating”, but after a break-up, I will say “I am going to be single for awhile and just delight in It.”, and then within 2 weeks to 3 months I find myself in a relationship again. My longest relationship has only been 5 years and I average somewhere around 7 to 8 months. I have recently entered a new relationship, this one only 3 months after the divorce from a 5 year marriage. I do but want this one to “last forever”, whatever that is and reckon that maybe I should seek psychological help so that it can. Wow, the revelation is absolutely startling, but it helps me visualize the problem and hopefully now I can find a solution.

I was just dumped by what I consider a serial monogamist after nearly 4 years. My boyfriend was the best in so many ways with the exception of the inability to communicate deeply and show what I would consider right emotion, in every other way he was the best guy ever, which is what makes the breakup even more hard. His primary father is now on number five, while his second dad was emotionally and verbally abusive so I’m told by his mother. What kind of effect does this have on an individual who initially told me they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me?

I am a serial monogamist. I am not the least bit ashamed of it either. I did, but, figure it out a bit late; I’d had 2 failed marriages and had just backed out of a third. Now that I know I was only getting married because society told me I should, I quit getting married – makes life simpler. Plus, if you tell the other person right up front that you are fine with long term but no “forever please” you tend to have very satisfying relationships that end amicably for both.

I am a serial monogamist & I am not the slightest bit pleased about that fact & I guarantee that it’s not a cop-out. I have always gone into things with the feelings of “this could be the one” & as said in the article….it never is. Then I am left with the crying, the indecisiveness of “what if I am giving up too soon” and then it gets dragged out into the war of polarities for 10 years. I constantly question “why can’t he be the one….why do I need to go through this nightmare again?” My condition has become absolutely explosive since my divorce 4 years ago in which I have only had one relationship since then ending in 7 months. No matter how I try it never works for an independent, self-reliant, strong & sober woman. Why am I incapable of having a excellent, pleased & healthy relationship with the opposite sex? Why is it always an issue? I would like nothing more than to nest & have a loving husband….do I see that ever happening though? No…never. not for me. I have come to the terms that I am not one of the fortunate that will ever have the soul mate & life-long commitment. I accept it as best as I can, I hold my head as high as I can & I just continue on.

Many people fall into this general description without ever intending to be a serial monogamist. Many people enter a relationship intending it to be “the one”… but then find (for whatever reason) that the relationship won’t last. And so, they go on, or are left, with the thought that the next one might become the right one. To some extent, this is the process of dating many people when you are young and single, in the hopes of finding someone who is a “excellent fit”. In truth there are a number of individuals with whom one could settle down with, except in our modern culture, divorce, and hooking up, are considered more acceptable. Therefore, serial monogamony becomes more prevalent.

 It is my goal to be a serial monogamist. Why would I want to be committed to one person my whole life? Once the relationships get dull I should be able to go on without any legal implications and so on. I don’t see how serial monogamy can be seen as a problem. People should be encouraged to live this way since it is more realistic to live this way than to commit to one person your whole life.

The people who need psychological help are the ones who choose to stay in a relationship fraught with difficulties “for the kids” or because they can’t admit that the relationship has run its course. Since we all have a limited number of years here I fail to see the sanity in staying with a partner you no longer like just because society says you have a psychological problem if you don’t. My parents have been married for over 35 years and I am pretty sure around 20 of them were spent miserable. Now they are so ancient they have no choice but to remain together until one of them can escape through the death of the other. No thanks. You can keep your lifelong commitment stuff to yourselves.

Global trend of Divorce rate

The US: People dread divorce more than marriage

About 59% of America’s population of 300 million is married. Although over 90% of American adults look forward to married life, divorce rates are still very high. During the 1950s, more than 90% of married couples would stay together for ten years or more, but in the 1990s, this percentage has fallen to below 50%. In recent years, many older adults have been getting divorced after they turn 60, or even 80 years ancient.

American experts says that there are many reasons for the rising divorce rate, including people’s longer life spans, new generational values, and the growing economic independence of women.  Another reason is that it is extremely simple to get divorced in America. In recent years, as the economy has struggled and jobs have become harder to find, younger Americans are not willing to marry so quickly and those who are married are not so quick to divorce.

Korea: Divorce rate ranks 3rd in the world

According to Korean government statistics, the divorce rate in Korea is growing at an average rate of 0.5% per year. In the past ten years, the total number of divorces has increased by nearly three times. That is to say, out of every 1,000 couples, 2.8 of them will divorce, making  Korea’s divorce rate the third highest in the world after America and the UK.

There are various reasons why the divorce rate in Korea is so high, but the main reason is disagreements between the mother-in-law and wife. A representative from Korea’s family courts who handles divorce cases went on the record to say, “Divorce cases always increase after Mid-autumn Day, New Year and the summer holiday because couples are more likely to quarrel about going to the in-laws house. And then once they get there, as problems between the mother-in-law and wife become from pronounced, someone ends up demanding a divorce.”

Another factor that has led to rising divorce rates is a change in values.

More women are initiating divorce or separation procedures. 66.7% of divorces in 2003 were initiated by women, compared to 30.6% by men. Among the reasons cited for getting a divorce, 46.4% of divorces occur because the wife or husband is having an affair.

In order to curb the rising divorce rate, the government has enacted certain measures that have proven to be effective. In March 2005, the Seoul Family Court implemented a mandatory “thinking period” and counseling session which couples must complete before applying for a divorce..

India: Divorce rate twice as high as ten years ago

In India, there are no formal statistics concerning divorce rates due the large rural population and incomplete records, but it is widely acknowledged that the divorce rate has greatly increased.

Young couples divorcing is a major reason divorce rates have risen. The phenomenon of “family group marriages” is also noteworthy. In rural India, marriages between families are quite common. For example, the brothers of one family marry the sisters of another family at the same time. In a situation like this, once one marriage ends in a divorce and leads to deep enmity between the families, all the marriages are likely to end in divorce.

According to a recent survey, the higher a woman’s educational level, the less she cares about getting a divorce.

Germany: Legislation to make divorce more hard

Divorce rates in Germany have remained high in recent years with no sign of declining. Statistics show that over 200,000 couples divorced last year. Most of the couples who divorce have already lived apart for the last six years of the marriage and at the seventh year they start the divorce procedures. The German media has blamed this on rising unemployment rates which cause unhappiness in the marriage.

A “divorce economy” in German society has become well loved, in which divorce-related magazines, companies, bars, and TV shows have added fuel to the fire. A well-known marriage counselor has expressed concerns with the appearance of this phenomenon saying, this will probably encourage more people to separate from their partners. A German expert on the marriage law said, “People have the right to get a divorce, but they should not abuse this right. First and foremost, people who wish to divorce should consider their responsibilities to their elders, children, family and society. The fact is, because people are so hasty to divorce, the issues of single parent families, care for the elderly and children’s education have become crucial social problems.

In response, the German legislature is trying to pass legislation making it more hard to get a  divorce. Divorce is not encouraged by the government. Once a husband wants to get divorced, he must give his wife half of his income for the rest of his life.

Brazil: Single girls seeking married men

The divorce rate in Brazil has doubled since 1985. Many experts believe that this is due to the 1988 abolition of a law that men could only have two divorces in their lifetime. Now, they can marry and divorce as many times as they like.

Sociologists believe that attitudes towards divorce have changed. In the past, women who divorced their husbands were looked down upon. Now, Brazilian women believe that if a woman suffers from domestic abuse, it is a shame to continue being with him. Statistics show that 73% of divorces and separations are initiated by women. In addition, infidelity is another reason for the break up of marriages. A psychologist, Mr. Louis, says that, in Brazil there is a weird phenomenon of single girls seeking out married men.

In order to maintain social stability, Brazilian law states that married couples must wait two years after their marriage to get a divorce. Furthermore, they must live apart for two years. The law also stipulates that people must wait two years after a divorce to remarry.

China: Rapid growth in divorce rates

According to statistics from the China Civil Administration Department, 341,000 married couples divorced in 1980, 800,000 in 1990, 1,210,000 in 2000, and 1,331,000 in 2005. From these numbers it is evident that divorce is a growing trend in China.

Xu Anqi, an analyst at the Shanghai Social Science Academy and standing director of the China Research Association for Women and Family says the reason for the growing number of divorces in China is multifaceted. First, society is going through a transitional period which is greatly affecting the stability of marriages. Second, as living standards increase people have higher expectations towards marriage and like. A third reason is, the simplification of marriage and divorce procedures has made getting a divorce much simpler.

Xu Anqi believes that high divorce rates in certain areas do not necessarily indicate marriages are miserable and society is unstable. A survey on marriages revealed that people are more pleased in an open country with looser divorce laws. That is because couples with problems can separate and those with stable marriages are more emotionally satisfied, which is beneficial to a harmonious social order.

Chen Xinxin from the Women Studies Institute of ACWF (All-China Women’s Federation) also thinks that improvements in women’s social status have resulted in increasing divorce rates. As women become more independent economically and spiritually, they are no longer regarded as socially inferior, and this is a reflection of women’s liberation and social progress.

(Source: Global Times)

A Practical Guide to Screening Dates and Finding the Right Mate for you

In the world of dating, there are a variety of attractive people that look like wonderful prospective mates. By being logical and practical, you can tailor your search for “the one” by being right to yourself and knowing what you need and want in a mate. Just because a person is attractive to you (whether it be mentally or physically), doesn’t necessarily mean that they are the best choice for a long-term mate. By staying positive, taking time to know the person you’re interested in and observing their behaviors in a variety of settings, you will be well equipped to make a choice on whether this person is right for you or not. Here are some thoughts on observing and screening that have been helpful to myself and others I know.

First, determine what qualities in a mate are most vital to you. What kind of personality goes best with yours, laid back, outgoing, a homebody, or ? Be right to yourself. What you like and what you can live with comfortably may be two different things altogether. I dated a man who was highly outgoing, for example. He was the life of the party and everyone looked up to him. In the four years we were together, we got along fine superficially but his need to socialize all the time contrasted with my liking to be alone together, at home. He was too wild for me, and I was too much a homebody for him. Be right to what your interests are and find a middle ground if your styles are different. In my case, a middle ground couldn’t be reached. But if someone’s a keeper, their styles of relating to the world must compliment yours. The closer your styles match, the better. Sometimes opposites attract, but those who work it out or are similar have a better chance of staying together.

Don’t get caught up on looks. The older you get, they will fade and so it’s vital to pay attention to the personality behind that pretty face. Are they compassionate? Do they care about your feelings, about the feelings of others, or are they more self-focused? Is this a person who could honestly be there for you when you are sick? Do they have the initiative to help out or do they prefer to watch others do hard work? It pays to be brutally honest in your assessment of others, attractive is as attractive does. Some of my most crazy boyfriends in my youth, were also the most physically stunning specimens of manhood. One was a tall, gorgeous young man but unfortunately, he had the common sense and morality of a box of rocks. He preened his hair, his crowning glory, in every mirror and reflection he could find. Twenty years later, he no longer has that hair, but his ego is still going strong. I looked at who he is presently, when we ran into one another one day last year, and while listening to him brag, I wondered what ever did I see in the guy besides that pretty face? Not much. Time taught me that my values in my youth were immature and uninformed. Attraction is vital to some extent, but don’t let it override common sense and practicality when looking for someone who is truly fitted to your personality.

Observe your date when they are really, truly hopping mad. Not just annoyed, I mean really mad. Do they go off like a bomb, ranting and raving? Do they talk it out or handle the matter in a mature way? Rage management is an issue of major importance. How do they treat other people and also, how do they treat animals? There is a proven correllation between abusive people being cruel to animals in their past. Anyone who is cruel to animals should be ruled out, as this gives a excellent indication that this person isn’t respectful of those who aren’t able to stand up for themselves. This goes beyond being an animal rights issue, it’s a safety one. People who use aggression against others, animal or human, should be avoided. How does the person treat his or her parents? Are they respectful, do they get along, and if they don’t, can they reach a pleased medium and not argue all the time? How a person relates to family gives an thought of what kind of life they are used to living, and how they are used to relating with others.

Focus on the issues that matter, not the lesser ones like taste in clothing or driving an ancient car. Minor issues don’t matter, clothing can be changed, a new car can be bought..or not. Don’t set out to change who you are with, rather, see who you can feel comfortable being with based on deeper, more vital issues such as personality compatability, common interests and goals. If you want children, does your prospective partner want them too? This is a huge issue, and not to be taken lightly. The more stronger this person feels about their stance on this issue determines whether they are someone aligned with your thinking. If they may want children, and you do, compromise may work it out. But, if they are not at all interested and you certainly do want kids, it is best to look elsewhere. Trying to change someone to reckon other than their beliefs can cause resentment and hostility. I know a woman who wanted to marry her boyfriend so terribly, that she stopped taking birth control secretly and got pregnant, knowing that he had no interest in having children. They did marry but he never, ever forgave her for it, and last time I talked to her, they were still on the verge of divorce after ten years of fighting. Needless to say, it’s best to be honest and right on this subject at all times.

How does your date handle money, and can you live with their style? Money differences can make or break relationships. Be honest with eachother on your spending habits. Is this person a saver or a spender? What type are you? Can the two of you merge your styles successfully? If you like to shop and your significant other resents it, then it could be a problem unless the two of you come to an agreement on the matter. If there are two incomes, then spending the money on the household needs to be done as a team. If you are the only person working, do you mind if the other person stays at home while you work? It is a matter of values and how you both handle it together. Ignoring money has a way of coming back to bite you in the derriere if ignored. A couple my parents once knew had everything, they lived well and everyone thought they were doing well. Until the day when they declared bankruptcy due to the wife casually spending $500,000 they didn’t have on needless luxuries over the course of a few years. The husband (an attorney) didn’t speak up and overworked himself into oblivion until his health gave way. He got caught funnelling money out of his clients accounts and lost his attorney’s license permanently. They lost everything, the house, the cars, the private schools for all their kids. And, their marriage blew apart, too. This is an extreme example, but a right tale, you get the thought. Money did them in because they didn’t communicate or handle money as a team. It pays to be practical and avoid those who cannot control their spending habits.

In the singles world, there is someone for everyone. Our job is to find one, it only takes one, to make a life with. If your goal is to settle down, then remember to delight in your search but reckon carefully about your final choice. Look for the person most suited to you but don’t expect perfection, as there is no such thing as perfect in this world. When you find that special someone, it will be worth all the looking. Remember to be right to yourself and reckon with your head, not just your heart. I wish you the best.

Being Forty is not the End of the World – Don’t Let a Number Get you Down

So many people dread becoming forty. Why? Is it really that terrible? The answer is certainly “no.” There are a multitude of reasons why being a small older is nothing to dread. Being a small older has its benefits. It’s all a matter of keeping a positive attitude and making the best of your life.

Remember, it’s only a number

If you talk to someone in their 80′s, they will reckon you are still a child. You aren’t “ancient”, just a small older than you used to be. Look at it this way; you know yourself better than you did at twenty, and now avoid the situations you had once been in, out of knowledge of what does and does not work. For example, terrible relationships – through trial and error we learn what is excellent for us and what is not when it comes to the opposite sex. You’ve been there and done that. Maybe all life’s questions aren’t answered by now, but you are a lot more savvy to the world than you used to be through life experience. Years do that, they teach. Now that some painful past lessons have been taught, they don’t need to be re-learned unless you ignored them the first time around.

Don’t feel that you’ll never attract a mate because you are over 40

That is nonsense. If you want to date, then date. Men who want twenty-year olds are not men you want to be with anyways. I have a certain feeling of relief not to feel the need to stuff myself in push-up bras, live in high-heels and look like a Stepford wife. I am myself, and haven’t let myself go, but am no longer chained to trying to please others with my looks. When I was younger, it seemed that looks mattered so much. Now, who cares..looking excellent is relative. Take care of yourself mentally and spiritually. Be yourself and attract someone excellent for you, not someone who expects you to dress or look a certain way. Been there, done that. I learned my lessons and am glad to be done with them.

Celebrate what you do have instead of what you don’t have.

Do you have a loving family, a safe place to live or peace of mind?

If so, fantastic, be proud of this. If not, then work to get these things. It’s your choice how you react to the world around you so choose to reckon more positively about life and the excellent things in it. Be glad to have excellent health. So many people in the world are incapacitated or ill in some way, so be glad you are doing well. When I had back distress, it humbled me and showed me how vital it is to be excellent to my body. I stopped carrying ten bags of groceries at a time, and carrying too many heavy things. Another lesson learned. Value your health, it is the most precious asset you have.

Wrinkles? Eye Bags? Jowls?

First of all, you’re your own worst critic. Chances are, any changes in your face are not that terrible. If you are really horrified about your appearance, you can always contact a plastic surgeon. Or, live with them and just look at them as proof that you are mature and not ancient yet, just a small older. Not a huge deal unless you make it one. Just go with the flow. I had a chemical peel and laser treatment done a year ago, it was like going to a spa and not highly invasive. It took slight discolorations from the sun off my face, helping me be more pleased about my appearance. It has lasted a long time, and if I feel the need to do it again someday, I will. Don’t worry, you won’t look like someone who hit a wind tunnel, and all the skin is pushed back. Nope, that is for those addicted to plastic surgery who have gone too far with facelifts. The chemical peel and laser treatment didn’t change my skin color and the afternoon session really felt excellent. I recommend it highly.

Feeling overweight and want to fit back into those high school clothes?

Then prepare to work it off by daily exercise, cutting back on stout and watching what you eat in general. Throughout my life, my weight has gone up and down, depending on who I broke up with. Every time a relationship finished, I gained weight, then I’d get my second wind and work it off. Identify your eating triggers, and build discipline. Don’t let food rule you, delight in eating but in moderation. I like to cut my parts in half, if something is fattening, rather than deny myself an occaisional splurge. Then, you have two parts instead of one, and you get double the pleasure. It’s a excellent thing.

Whatever the case may be, don’t feel down about being forty. You will adjust and in a excellent way. It pays to be careful of your health, to ward off any future problems, and delight in your life to the fullest while you are still young. Yes, you are still young. Talk to people who are much older and they will reassure that their lives were probably just beginning at forty. Reckon positive, and just go with the flow.

Margaret in Istanbul – A Short Story!

Hasan A. Yahya, Ph.D

Istanbul is the center of East West, all people of new and ancient shapes and dresses may be found in the streets. Tourists from all over the world, enjoying holy places, churches, mosques, and restaurants. I met her in the street in front the Ahmad Basha Mosque. In the café, the place seemed to belong to the ancient  dark unlike the hustling street outside. The place was full of people.

In previous years, John has countered several sex like and situations with women. One was called Alesha and she was twenty years ancient. The second was called Khadija, nearly in the same age. Both were dreaming to meet a guy coming from America. The third was Miss Erikson , the philosophy secretary at University Department.

 John arrived somewhat late after noon,  and entered few steps in the airport building hall, Suddenly he heard a womanly voice, he looked back, and there she is, Alesha was coming toward him, after the elevator was opened, she waiting for him! We were alone in the elevator, I said:

- “what are you doing here?”

- “I know you were coming!”

- “But …why, where is Miss Erikson?”

- “She ancient me to come to receive you, because she was busy.”

 Alisha was always asking me about John’s phone number, she wanted to know where John  lives, But John was denying her that pleasure. In his own mind, he doesn’t want a girl in her age, plus she was one of his students in the Philosophy course.

 “I questioned you several times to give me your phone, but you refused, I questioned you about where do you live, you never gave me that. So I will know now!” Alisha pluntly said!

The elevator came to a holt, on the sixth floor in the building where John lives, , before it stopped, he was trying to find his way out, but she was standing in the way. She came close to his face. As if she is inviting him to kiss her. But he  tely did not encourage her and said in a weird voice:

-          “Alesha! What are you doing?”  The elevator door opened, and John and Alisha left out to the apartment. Alesha was following John pulling his case. He quickly place the key in the door, John was terribly worried someone might see the young lady with me. Everybody knows about his tale with his wife, who through herself from the balcony two years back. In few moments both  were in the apartment.

-          “So! Here you live alone! Right!

-          “Yes! I do!” John said!

-           “Excellent! Because I know that you live alone!”

-          “So what! What exactly you have in mind, what do you  want from me Alesha?”

-          “Well, give me something to drink first, I am your guest now!”  She sat on the couch, and waited, John entered the kitchen to bring something cold for her. She followed him to the kitchen, and said:

-          “why are you wasting time. You know, I like you! I want you! I don’t care how ancient are you! I am pleased to be with you! Aren’t you pleased to be with me, John?”

-          “Yes I am, but I am your teacher, not your friend!”

-           “But I like you! What shall I do.”

-          “Alesha! You have crossed the red lines, Alisha! You have to leave immediately.”

-          “I am not leaving this room, I am plotting to stay here all night!”

-          “What about your folks, your parents?”

-          They know that I am sleeping tonight with my girl-friend.”

-          “But you are not! So you lied to your parents.”

-          “Don’t say parents, my dad married another woman, and he rarely come to see my mom.” And my mom is busy with her boyfriend. Don’t worry about me!” I told my mother that I will spent the night studying, I mean … studying with you!” while she was shaking her head right and left, laughing.  And whispered in her lovely tempting voice, let’s do it, John, right now!”  

Hasan Yahya, is an American Arab scholar, a professor of Sociology, a columnist at wfol.tv, Malaysia, and TINA International News Agency, Chicago, USA. www.hasanyahya.com

Surviving A Breakup – Follow These Simple Steps

Going through a breakup is a very hard thing. At times, surviving a breakup might seem like the toughest thing in the world, but believe it or not, you can and will survive it. Of course you feel emptiness inside, which makes moving forward and getting back with your life even harder. All you really want to do is lie in bed and hide under the covers. But you need to look around and realize that most people have gone through a hard breakup and they have survived, just like you will. Before you know it you will be getting back to enjoying your life.

When it comes to coping with a breakup and the pain that goes along with it, you can’t keep your feelings inside. Spend time with a close friend you can confide in and share a excellent weep and tell them how you are feeling. If nothing else get a pen and paper and write your feelings down. You could even get a special journal and write all your feelings down and after you have gotten it all out, you can burn the journal, in a symbolic moving on ceremony. Whatever you do, you have to try to get the pain out, don’t keep it bottled up.

As you start feeling your ancient self returning, you can start to look at your relationship to know what was excellent about it and what was terrible. By understanding what happened in the relationship it will allow you to make the best decisions regarding your next go. If things were excellent for the most part and you loved being together, there might be a chance to get back together. But if you were having serious problems, there’s a excellent chance that you two are done.

Now that you’ve taken the time to know what happened in your relationship, it is time to choose if you will try to get back together or if you will throw in the towel and go on from this relationship. If you realistically reckon there is something still there and you want to get back together, there are vital steps and techniques you need to follow to make it work. Many of these are based on the differing psychologies between men and women have.

If on the other hand you have chose to go on, you and your partner need to separate your lives. In a relationship, especially a long term one, it can be surprising how much your lives have become intertwined and splitting them up is not always an simple thing. You need to make this change, you don’t want any landmines left over that can emotionally ruin you.

Dealing with a breakup is really tough but it certainly can be done. Use your friends and family as a support system to help you get through this tough time. People have compared breakups to having a death in the family, so obviously it is tough to deal with. Some of this is just too emotional to tackle all by yourself.

Want Your Ex Back? A Lesson From Being Robbed At Gunpoint!

Is there something you can learn by being robbed at gunpoint?

As TW Jackson clarifies in the Magic Of Making Up System

The Magic of Making Up

after your initial contact…you want to set up your “1st Date” again.

AND…the MOST vital part, the secret and the part nobody else but T Dub will tell ya …is the date HAS to be EMOTIONALLY CHARGED.

Okay?

That DOES NOT mean ‘dinner and a movie’ because…well…it’s BORING…and does not
make a bonding…or in our case a RE-bonding experience.

In fact, you want to pack in several emotionally charged mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

Why?

If you just do ‘dinner and a movie’ you lose out on a Sociologically PROVEN principle…

emotionally charged experiences = bond.

Look at it in another way.

Last time you went to the bank, do you remember the person in line in front of you?

Behind you?

Probably not. Me neither.

But…

What if while you were in the bank, it as ROBBED AT GUNPOINT?

And the robbers couldn’t get the safe open. The robbers are livid,  screaming and waving huge guns around. The tension feels so thick you could cut through it with a knife.

You are lying face down on the cold bank floor and can see your breath fogging up the tile below.

You are trembling…because it is eerily silent for a moment.

“Oh my god!”

“Where are the robbers?”

“Are they behind me?”

“Are they watching me?”

So you slowly go your eyes around and see a sweet older lady lying right next to you.

She looks a small like Grandma, and you come out of your own haze enough to realize that she is even more terrified than you. She is softly sobbing.

You slowly reach out and take her hand in yours and give her a small squeeze that says…”it’s gonna be all right.”

NOW!

Let me question?

Are you going to EVER forget that older lady?

and…

Do you reckon she will EVER forget you?

Not in a million Sundays!

Now…I’m not saying to go rob a bank on your first date! LOL.

But you want to go on an EMOTIONALLY charged and exciting date…and preferably several
mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

A small roller coaster ride is one GREAT example.

T Dub teaches you more about things like emotionally charged dates in the Magic Of Making Up System.

You’ll also learn psychological tactics and techniques you can use to get you BACK on that first date with your ex again.

Best Wishes,
Lilian
PS Get a special unannounced bonus called ‘Mind Magic’
when you reserve your copy of the Magic Of Making Up System through this special link

 

Flirting With A Man – Five Amazing Tips To Follow

Do you know the basics of flirting? Do you know that you use body language when you are around a man you like? Would you want him to know that you are interested without really saying it? Flirting has been with us since the creation of men and women; a form of art that is proven to be very powerful. Once you feel jumpy, tense and uneasy around a new guy, it would not hurt to start flirting. Here are five incredible tips that will make it work for you.

Smile.

Smiling is not considered as flirting but it is the best way to make him feel that you are welcoming his advances. Do not come on too strong but stay as demure as possible. A smile would project a friendly glow to your face that would make him feel at ease with you.

Eye contact.

They say that eye contact does not do a lot but it’s one of the best ways to flirt with a man. We are not talking about just staring but holding his stare for a few seconds or beyond. To do this effectively, hold his stare together with a smile.

Touch.

Touching is also an incredible way of flirting. You can gently touch or lay your hand on his arm for just a second while talking. Another justification to touch him is when you are beside each other and getting up or sitting down would cause you to gently place your hand on his shoulder for a needed support.

Talk.

You will find that talking is one of the best ways to flirt with a man. In a crowded bar or noisy place, if you want to say something or respond to a question, do not try to scream over the noise. Besides, this will make you look like a shrieking wife and you would not want that. Keep your voice down and this will prompt him come over closer to you. It is also an opportunity to touch him gently on the shoulders while whispering the words into his ear.

Be natural.

Rehearsing what go to make would not work. Just keep these tips in mind and not ponder too much on your next go. Your main focus is him and to delight in yourself with him. Flirting will have to come naturally.

Five Tips To Help You Flirt With A Guy

Flirting with a guy can be a tough thing to do. Most men are hard to know, so how do you know how to flirt with him? Flirting is an art that has become very powerful. Flirting started the day men and women were made and have now become rather well loved when showing interest in someone. Our body language can give a guy signals, and if you want him to see that you are interested in him, follow the five tips listed here.

Remember to Smile

Some may not see smiling as a way of flirting, but it has become the most effective way to show a guy you are open to his advances. Smiling will show guys you are friendly and it will give you a glow that makes you look even more attractive.

Make Eye Contact with Him

Eye contact is a fantastic way to flirt even if it isn’t brought up a lot. When you make eye contact with a man, it’s vital not to only stare at him, but hold the stare while you both converse. Another fantastic thought is to add a smile and stare at him. This give the hint to a man that you are into him and he may reciprocate with a smile as well.

Physical Touch

Touch is another effective way to flirt. Examples of this can be stroking his arm while he is talking to you, or you can even place your hand on top of his if you are both in close proximity. You can also use his shoulder for support while you get up, even if you don’t really need support. You can hold his hand if you are walking together somewhere. These are all fantastic examples. Don’t cross any boundaries though.

Talk to Him

This top is a fantastic way to get close to a guy, especially if the place you are at is a bit on the noisy side. Try to keep your voice down and not screaming or yelling to be heard. This can give the impression of a nagging wife. This will also make him get a small closer to you so that he is able to hear what you are saying.

Be Yourself

Flirting cannot be practiced. It should come easily and naturally. If you are able to keep all of these things in mind, you should be very successful at flirting with that guy you like. When you are with him, just delight in the time you are both spending with each other and try to not focus on what you are going to do or say.
<!–[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]–>
<!–[endif]–>

Bibliotherapy The Ladies Oracle By Cornelius Agrippa

BIBLIOTHERAPY

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Whenever I’m in a blue mood, I browse through my bookshelves and pick up a book.

Reading is the greatest of all joys, and the moment I start reading a book I enter a different world, and this change of environment has a positive psychological effect, and lo and behold, my spirits are uplifted. Those who do not have the habit of reading remain imprisoned in their moods and immediate surroundings.

I’ve just picked up a delightful small book called “The Ladies Oracle” by Cornelius Agrippa from my bookcase. Let me tell you about it.

Whenever I buy a book, I write down the date and place of buy on its first page. I have duly recorded that I bought The Ladies Oracle on 14 February 1989 on the pavement bookstalls opposite the CTO at Fort in Mumbai, then known as Bombay.

I don’t remember what prompted me to buy The Ladies Oracle – maybe to present it to my darling wife, or maybe because there was no “The Man’s Oracle” in the pavement bookstall. But that’s not vital now, so more about the book.

Let’s get down to using this delightful oracle. First choose a question from the ninety five listed in the book from pages (v) to (viii) numbered 5 to 100 (I wonder where the first five questions are?).

I select question number 35: – Shall I always delight in excellent health…?

Now I turn to page (i), close my eyes and place my finger on the table of signs. (I have placed my finger on the sign representing a single square).

Now I consult the table starting from page ten, follow the line marked by the number of the question (35th line) till I arrive at the column which has the chosen sign over it, and this figure gives me the number of the page (74) where by looking at the sign traced by my finger I find my answer: – You will always have joy, health and prosperity…!

Fantastic…! I’m feeling excellent already.

Now the next question, number 15: – How many lovers shall I have…?

I go through the procedure and the Oracle gives me the answer: – A fantastic many, but those that have so many generally choose the worst…!

Hey, I’ve to be careful!

The next question, number 91: – What opinion has the world of me…?

The Oracle answers: – You are thought to have had more than one adventure…!

Oh, dear…! Have I really sown my wild oats that much…?

Shall I be pleased in like…? The oracle says: – You will find more pain than pleasure…!

Pretty bleak – I better steer clear of falling in like…!

So I question: Will my reputation be always excellent…?

The oracle answers: It will always be as you make it…!

I must take care to build up a excellent reputation!

Shall I go many long voyages…?

You will do well not to voyage farther than round your own room…!

Fantastic…!

That puts an end to all my travel plans…!

All I’m going to do is go round and round in my room…!

What a gloomy answer…!

And I thought browsing books was supposed to lift my spirits…!

Okay, just one last question, and the answer better be something excellent, or else no more ‘bibliotherapy’ for me!

I select question number 74: – What is the person that I am thinking about doing at this moment…? and the Oracle answers: – She regrets not being with you…!

Wow…!

Bibliotheraphy really works.

I feel thrilled, jubilant, ecstatic, on cloud nine, in seventh heaven and right on top of the world as I rush off to surprise my beloved sweetheart.

And just imagine, I thought she never even thought about me…!

Long live The Ladies Oracle…!

Oh, Yes…The Ladies Oracle is a delightful small book you can consult from time to time on matters of like and life, believe me you’ll delight in it.

It may be called The “Ladies” Oracle, but I feel that even men can consult it with satisfying results.

Dear Reader, why don’t you try it out?

It is a delightfully entertaining reading, guaranteed to lift your spirits. I always carry this oracle in my pocket to enliven my moments of waiting.

Get a copy of this delightful oracle, question the questions you always wanted to question, and delight in the answers!

That’s Bibliotherapy.

VIKRAM KARVE

vikramkarve@sify.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

Make Him Commit – Surpassing His Fears

Are you trying to make him commit?  Have you hinted and left clues around, but he’s ignoring them?  Do you reckon he might be worried to really make that commitment to you but you don’t know what he’s really worried of?  If you’re wonderful and pleasant and reckon you’d make the perfect wife, you have to convince him of that.

Many men have a dread of commitment simply based on their innate desire to run free.  The confines of a relationship can be suffocating and many men, through experience or the confessions of their pals, know this all too well.

If he sees you as a potential warden to his life and that commitment will equate to a loss of the life that pleases him, his reluctance to commit will remain solid.  Perhaps his past has told him that women want to control too much, and they’re not prepared to give up much control.

You have to let him see that life with you can be fantastic.  Without going so far as to place on an act or pretend, do try to be a pleasant partner in his life.  He really wants to feel a sense of security and comfort when he’s with you, not argument and confrontations.

Also maintain a healthy degree of independence.  Part of the dread a man has is that his whole world need now revolve entirely around her.  But what about his buddies?  What about the season tickets to the ballgames?  What about the time alone that he needs to recharge and recuperate?

Don’t ignore the life that he leads just as you wouldn’t want him to push you to ignore yours.  By going on and doing your own thing, your pleased at your end, he’s pleased at his and you’re both pleased when you do meet up to do something together.

How much time you spend apart will depend from man to man, but if he even hints that perhaps you should go off and do your thing, take that as a cue to leave him some breathing space.  But, don’t overdo it and leave so small time to see each other that you start to wonder if it’s worth it at all.

Balance is the key to every relationship and getting him to commit is maintaining that balance of fun, peace, freedom and like.  Get it all together and you won’t need to push him to make that commitment.  His own like for you and the vision he now has of the potential future he can have with you will urge him to commit to you.

Why Men Cheat – Sorting Out Men’s Thoughts on Love

Has he been unfaithful to you and you’re devastated and want to know why so many men cheat?  Are you crushed by the betrayal and wonder if you can ever learn to trust him again?  Is the pain overwhelming and you don’t know if your relationship will survive?  Find out why he did it and how to keep it from happening again.

Seeing how having sex with another woman is the gist of cheating, it’s hard to assume that he could be looking for anything other than sex when he turns to someone else.  Yes sex is vital to a man and to a relationship.  Is this something that has been a problem in the past?  Talk it out and try to find a comfortable meeting ground where you can both be pleased with your sex life.

But there is usually more to it than that.  For the most part men complain of simply being diminished to the point where they barely feel like a man anymore.  They find that their wife or girlfriend criticizes everything they do.  There’s also a degree of control many women try to take in the relationship and many men can come to find this suffocating.

When he then come across a woman who admires him, listens to him, finds him smart and amusing and attractive, his sense of self rises and it’s because of her, not you as it should be.

Never take your man for granted.  Whether you’ve been together six months or six years or twenty six years, like him for who he is and remind him of that.  Show him with the respect you have for him, the praise you shower him with and, yes, the physical and sexual bond you have with him.

Consider all this and if you see that everything has been pretty perfect from your end, talk to him to find out what went incorrect.  There is a possibility that the problem lies completely within him and there’s not much you can do.  You can either go into counseling or, sadly, terminate the relationship.

How to Make a Man Commit – What You Must Know About Men’s Fears

Have you been trying to get that man of yours to make a commitment to you? Is he shrugging you off and you’re becoming increasingly frustrated by the whole thing? Are you starting to consider the possibility of giving him that ultimate ultimatum because you don’t know what to do anymore? Take a deep breath and cool down before you do anything. Read this article and see a more effective way to get his commitment without the threats and frustration.

Look at it from his perspective. Most men will dread commitment due to the change it will make in their life. While you’re probably thinking that you’ll bring joy and happiness to his life, he’s seeing all the things you’re likely to prohibit him from doing.

Every man knows of at least one guy who can no longer go out with his buddies, can’t watch a game on Sunday, can’t play softball on Tuesdays or can’t even have his buddies over for a beer once in a while. Too many women choose to take over and lay their heavy foot down.

Show your man that you respect who he is and what makes him pleased. Every man knows he’ll have to give up a bit of his previous life when he hooks up with a woman, but they don’t want to have to give up so much that they barely recognize themselves.

When he sees that you make him pleased, that you have a life of your own, that you won’t be a clingy small wife who can’t let him out of her sight, that you like him enough to see him pleased with the things he enjoys (even if you find it silly or juvenile), he’ll see that he can have a wonderful life with you.

And that’s what every man ultimately wants. To be pleased, to be fulfilled, to like and admire you all while being loved and admired in return. Don’t crowd him with your insecurities (which is what you’re doing when you tell him not to have fun with his friends) and let him have some breathing space.

With all this positive energy surrounding you both, he’ll feel more comfortable with the thought of committing to you.

Are You Trying to Earn His Love? A Guide to Get You Started

Have you been trying everything you can reckon of to get that fantastic guy to fall in like with you?  Is it so much harder than you thought and you don’t know what you can do?  Are the men around you simply not interested in any kind of relationship and you can’t seem to change their mind?  Men don’t always go running towards a committed relationship.  Here’s what you can do to make them see relationships the way you do.

For men, a committed relationship often equates to a prison sentence.  They simply assume that they will no longer be able to have fun.  Most men know of a friend who has had to forego all the fun things he’s always loved in order to please the new wife or girlfriend.

So the key thing you have to do as you meet him, date him and get to know him is have fun.  You don’t have to be out there and wild.  His thought of a fun time with you might be catching a fantastic show, going on a picnic or even sitting quietly as you contemplate the sunset.

The vital thing is to ensure you both feel comfortable and at ease no matter what you’re doing.  This can best be achieved by thinking of him in terms of a excellent friend and not a potential husband.  When you don’t have that pressure hanging over your head, you can be more relaxed and delight in yourself, and that’s really what you want to accomplish.

Adding to his sense of ease will be your praise, compliments and admiration.  He wants to know that he impresses you and that he’s vital to you.  The main mistake women make when dating is concentrating too much on how they end up feeling by the end of the night.

They rarely stop to question whether he had fun.  Yet this is the most vital part of reeling him in.  He’s not going to be too quick to fall in like with you if he has a dull time with you.

Celebrating YOU

Many of my clients are women who know the importance of self-acceptance and appreciation because they want their children to exhibit these traits, but they often get stuck on how to do it for themselves.

Of course, the ultimate goal is for us to model being and loving ourselves in an authentic way. If we truly like ourselves, most of what we want in life—again, usually happiness for ourselves and the ones we like—comes so much more easily.

We may still have some worries, and we’ll certainly continue to have goals, dreams and desires. When we stand in a place of right self-appreciation and self-like, but, we stop pursuing goals we have to achieve—and avoiding things we have to avoid—simply in order to be accepted and valued. Instead, we find ourselves acting to reach goals we really want to accomplish, and go with foresight to prevent things we’re generally concerned about.

On the flip side, if we don’t like ourselves, we are not of as much value to others. No matter what we do, we won’t be able to appreciate it or be fulfilled in the process. And others, especially our children, are always able to tell if we are serving from a place of joy and grace, or sacrifice and suffering. Which do you reckon serves them better?

The thing is, we’re all searching for like. And only like really matters. We reckon we can give it to others, or that we can get it from others, but my experience has been that to be truly fulfilled in life, we have to find that like within ourselves, and give it to ourselves, before we can truly give it to others. No other person, amount of money, material possession or accomplishment can do it.

Below is a simple but powerful exercise that will encourage you to take some time to celebrate who you are and to practice appreciating yourself. I hope you will do it!

Step 1

Write a heartfelt letter of gratitude, appreciation and like to yourself. Take some time, place some conscious and generous thoughts and feelings into it and allow yourself to boldly express your like for yourself.

Here is a letter I wrote to myself:

Dear Stacey,

I hope you know that there is not a day that goes by that I am not in awe of you. You are a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. You are kind, generous, and supportive to everyone around you.

The list of attributes I appreciate about you is so long that I will focus the rest of this letter to the appreciation of your body: Every time I look at your son I am reminded that your body made him, nurtured him through gestation, eased him into your midwife’s hands as you gave birth to him at home, and then nurtured him even more through years of breastfeeding.

I thought your body and spirit were pretty incredible before you had your son (they carried you, strong and triumphant, through 4 marathons), but since his birth, and your awakening as a mother, I know I will only honor and revere them.

I know that occasionally you’ve been surprised or disappointed by an illness or by something else that hasn’t gone “according to plot,” but I’m delighted that you have learned to view them as messages that you simply need to take better care of yourself—to like yourself and your sweet life more and dread less.

So, here’s to you! May you delight in many more pleased years as the incredible and glorious being you are! Thank you so much for being a bright light in the world. I like you.

Step 2

Place the letter in a sealed envelope with your name, address and a stamp on it.

Step 3

Give the letter to someone you trust (if you feel silly doing this, send it to me) and question them to drop it in the mail to you at some point in the next month (without telling you when they do it).

It will show up in the perfect time and probably on a day you could really use some appreciation and acknowledgment. And, the best part is that the like and validation will come from you!

Overcoming Jealousy

Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever leave the house without him. He is worried that some man might approach her, and he cannot stand the thought of another man even looking at her. Although she has given him no concrete reason to dread, for some reason, he does not trust her. He feels intense dread, self-rejection and rage.

His sense of self-worth as a man is highly associated with his being only man whom Efi could possible care for. He does not know why, but he really loses control, intimidates and even threatens physical violence when Efi goes out of the house for a reason other than shopping.

Ironically, Bill’s eyes tend to follow attractive women whenever they pass. His mind is very focused on women. Perhaps this is because his mother gave him very small attention, or perhaps she never breast fed him, or she herself had a tendency to flirt, something which demeaned his father and made Bill feel ashamed. He may have, at that time, made a vow never to be demeaned like his father.

Efi, on the other hand, comes from a family that allowed very small freedom. She was free to go on her first date only after the age of eighteen. Now with Bill’s problem, she is experiencing the same restrictions and clashes she’d had with her parents. She is living a personal reoccurring nightmare.

At first she tried to avoid conflicts by not going out at all, but she nearly went crazy. She tried to plead and reason with Bill, but the subject was a source of fantastic pain and rage for him and he inevitably finished up threatening her.

Efi is not interested in other men, but she cannot stand this suppression and distrust. She has begun to go out ever more often and their conflicts have become more frequent and intense.
What can they do to get out of this vicious circle? What do they need to learn to solve this problem?

Bill:
1. Does he need to work on his childhood years and get free of that image of his mother flirting?
2. Does he need to let go of his self-doubt?
3. Is his lesson to feel his self-respect and self-worth as a man independent of what his wife does?
4, Does he need to learn to care more about Efi and her needs?
5. Does he need to learn to trust her more?
6. Does he need to communicate differently, expressing his needs and fears and not his rage and threats?
7. Perhaps he needs to become more self-sufficient.

Efi:
1. Is her lesson to know Bill and help him feel safe?
2. Is it to go out anyway and let him deal with his emotions?
3. Does she need to overcome her programming from her childhood years so she can feel her right to be independent and also free herself from dread of suppression or conflict?
4. Does she need to respect his needs more and feel her freedom while helping her loved one?
5. Does she need to respect her own needs more?
6. Does she need to find a different way of communicating with him?
7. Does she need to overcome guilt?

Know the Techniques on How to Flirt With Men – These Works Every Time

Do you wonder why some women find it effortless when it comes to attracting men? What is more puzzling that these women are not that excellent-looking as you are, but they look as if they have more luck in that field devoid of any obvious struggle at their end.

If you do not share the same capability, you have perhaps questioned this question “what do they have that I do not possess?”You will be surprised that their secret can just be as simple as knowing the techniques on how to flirt with men. You may have done your share of flirting but it did not turn out to be a success tale. To learn the techniques that work, read on.

Flirting with a smile

We often underestimate the influence of smiling but you may not realize that, it is the most effective flirting technique that always works on any man. Try to direct one to a guy from a far corner of the room; he will perceive you as a woman who is pleasant, simple to talk to and he will reckon that you are somewhat attracted to him. A smile could even accentuate the best features of your face and make you more attractive than you already are. How hard can that be?

Flirting with the eyes

Making eye contact can make you look weird or even eerie, if you do not do it right. So, do not stare blankly or be overly aggressive when you make eye contact. Instead, smile, with your eyes making brief contact with his. It will then send a signal to him that you are truly interested. This will prompt him to approach and talk to you.

A touch of flirting

Now that you are already talking, you can be close enough to touch him. Flirting, using the sense of touch should be done cautiously for it may send the incorrect signal to him. Your touch should be perceived by him as accidental or coincidental. A simple tap on his hand to get his attention; an ‘accidental’ brush of your arm against his arm, while walking or taking hold of his shoulder to help yourself stand from a seated position. Since this is an initial encounter with your guy, we should not get too aggressive, like leaning your head against his shoulder or massaging his neck, which will make it too obvious. Sensing that you feel comfortable being close to him, will draw the same feeling in him.

Flirting softly

One more technique that you will find effective is taking advantage of this kind of setting: get him to go with you to a crowded place or a noisy bar; normally, you would deem to raise your voice at him to be heard. When you do this, it may appear as if you are a nagging girlfriend or a screaming wife among that crowd; you do not want your guy to associate you with that kind of image, right? Instead, keep your voice down, even with the lingering noise; instinct will prompt him to lean closer to you to hear what you are saying. The softer your voice, the closer he will be. Was that flirting or not?

Now you know the techniques on how to flirt with men. Place them into practice now and see how effective it can be.

How to Make Him Commit – Keep His Heart Forever

Has your relationship dragged on for long enough and you reckon it’s about time he made a commitment to you?  Have you gone through a stream of relationships that never go anywhere and you want to change that?  Do you know of friends who’ve tried to threaten their boyfriends into a commitment and it didn’t work out very well?  A subtle approach is called for and you will need to be a bit more patient.  Read on to see just how patient.

Show, don’t tell

Some women go into a relationship expounding on how fantastic they are.  They can make the guy a bunch of promises that she’ll do this and be that and will make his life a dream come right.  Any guy who’s been down this road before is going to be a bit skeptical.  Men aren’t stupid; they know very well how controlling many women can become once they chain a man down.

Show him with every action you take that you’re willing to let him be who he is.  Don’t criticize him just because he doesn’t agree with you all the time.  Don’t jump down his throat about the activities that he finds fun and enjoyable just because they aren’t things you delight in doing.  If he can see right now that you’re simple going, open minded and completely secure in who you are – which means you’ll be less apt to cling to him – he’ll feel more comfortable and more able to be himself around you.

And this is ultimately what he wants to be able to do all the time.  If he has to constantly be on guard because he fears your reaction to everything he does, his outlook for the future with you won’t be too bright.

You’ve fallen in like with him?  Then show him you like him as he is.

Then give him the space that virtually every man, if not every person, needs for himself.  Don’t drop everything you had going on in your life before you met him.  While you can cut back if your agenda is severely occupied, keep up with a healthy number of activities that really make you pleased.

Not only will he see how pleased you are with your life (thus relieving pressure for him to make you pleased), but he’ll see that you won’t become the clingy wife who can’t do anything without a man by her side.  He’ll commit to the fun life he has coming with you.

 

Make Him Adore You – How you Can Win His Heart

Have you met a special man and you’d like to have him fall for you huge? Do you want to win his heart so terribly, it’s all you can reckon about? Are you obsessed with this guy and you know that you’d make a fantastic couple together? It can be hard to convince a guy of the vision we have for a possible relationship, but it’s not impossible. Read on to see what you can do to better your chances of a special relationship.

Times sure have changed these past decades. Men no longer want the silent small wife who will only tend to the house and children without raising her voice to the man of the house. Today’s woman speaks her mind, goes out into the work force just as strongly as any man and holds her own in virtually any arena. Most men today want that sense of independence in a woman. They want to know that she isn’t going to be a hang-on in his life.

But, on the dating front, some of women’s advances have come to be a hindrance. Feeling just as forward and aggressive as men, some women take a huge and strong step forward when they meet a man, and many men are still struggling with this.

Despite the years that have past, the fact remains that men feel an innate desire and need to pursue a woman, not the other way around. Now, you can either call this sexist and choose to ignore this fact, or you can accept certain basic facts about the male mind and use it to your advantage.

You can still be strong, but don’t feel you have to beat him out and be stronger than he is. Very few men will be enticed by this go indeed. As you show your wit and strength of character, let him show you who he is as well. After all, it’s not all about you.

Be open minded enough to admire him and to show him that you appreciate the man that he is. Compliment him and let him know you’re impressed with his accomplishments. The guy really does want to leave this date feeling excellent about the time he spent with you and feeling excellent about himself.

If he had fun and feels he’s made a excellent impression on you, he’ll be keen to see you again. And it’s through these numerous fun dates that his like for you will grow.

The Art of Seducing Your Lover

Seduction as mostly defined is the act of persuading somebody to have sex, especially by using a romantic or deceptive approach. When seducing a lover in a committed relationship, this can easily spice up the relationship and rekindle the embers of fire in the relationship to a completely new height.

The roles of “hunter” and “prey” have been chose through thousands of years of evolution, and usually fall naturally into place. Therefore, it goes without saying that is the natural order of things for men to delight in the chase and for the women to like being desired and chased by men. The harder the man works to earn her affections, the more vital and desirable a woman feels.

The thought behind seduction is to add subtlety to the obvious while plodding ahead with steadfast confidence. But, the truth is that we never really seduce a person because though we might lead them along a destination we have already chartered, and in some ways manipulate the results, the choice remains exclusively that of the seduced and not the seducer.

Knowing and feeling affectionately loved and lustfully desired, that someone has taken the time to slowly want to win your affection with small gestures that involves graciousness, service, humility, and appreciation of your person, even when done by your spouse, can be a very gratifying, pleasing and Zen experience. The mind is the primary erogenous zone in the human body, therefore establishing an emotional connection between the seduced and the seducer is the key element in this game of seduction. Therefore, feelings and thoughts are where seduction really starts.

In marriage, this can be a very powerful and effective tool in the hands of both lovers as it can be very sexy and arousing when the woman seduces her husband and when the man does it to his wife. This is in fact the best scenario to seduce someone as this is done in the right context since nothing is being done wrongly, as both are already committed to each other.

Seduction can affect a relationship between lovers in various ways; the following are just some of them:

Adds Romance to a Relationship
Romance in a relationship should not change even after the initial phases of seduction at the onset of the relationship have passed and now the lovers are either courting or married. Instead the man needs to ante up his game and develop more romantic ways to seduce his lover. It can bring back that same romantic feeling that both shared when the chase initial started. Seduction when done rightly in a committed relationship will always make that relationship a stronger and more enviable one.

If a woman seduces her man very well all the time, then it is very likely that he would hardly want to stray from her and vice versa.

Increase Mutual Arousal for the Partners
Place your conservatism and inhibition aside and introduce some spice into your relationship. Seduce the mind and heart, and the body will follow. Mutual attraction is the best structure for attraction between a man and a woman. When a woman is seduced, she will feel more comfortable opening herself up to a man emotionally and sexually.

Wear your sexiest clothes and start using body languages that suggests you intentions towards your lover like a lick on the lips, a breath on his/her neck, and may be more suggestively, a small contact on a sensitive erogenic body part. The feeling of being sexually desired through some of these seductive moves by your partner can be very arousing.

Enlivens and Reinvigorates the Relationship
If there is fantastic chemistry, like, intimacy, trust, and communication between two lovers, seduction as an art will simply make the relationship a whole lot more than can be imagined. If you want to get back the feelings of harmony, affection and bliss that you had at the beginning of your relationship, then the power of seduction is all you need. The power of seduction can be that significant.

Makes Intrigue
The forces of attraction on their own are of no essence without the element of intrigue. Like is a game whether you like it or not, and should be played carefully and skilfully to keep it alive and burning brightly. Seduction adds a small mystery, a mixed signal, and a degree of unpredictability, all to enhance and keep that like aglow. The more positive, intriguing, and fulfilling experiences your relationship encounters, the more satisfying the relationship will be.

Arguably, there is always some form of manipulation involved in seduction, but then that is what makes the tension and intrigue, and this in turn is what makes the process of seduction so exciting and enjoyable for both parties. After all, variety is the spice of life.

It Deepens the Like
The best way to seduce someone is to first fall in like with them. The misconception that seducers are always after sex is but a psychological matter as it is not always right. When you are looking for someone to seduce, you really look for someone who in more than one way excites you. So they have already in one way seduced thus making seduction in a loving relationship a back-and-forth process. Therefore when we seduce our lovers and they in turn seduce us in other ways, the like and affection increases in such a relationship.

How To Understand Male Domestic Violence

This evening, a man will physically assault his partner. It doesn’t matter to him if the woman is his wife,
or his girlfriend, or his lover. He is going to hit her.
We all know that this type of thing happens. It happens every day. It happens in our own city. It happens in
our own neighbourhood. Statistics show that it happens in our own street.
No-one except the men who perpetrate such abuse, knows why it will happen.
Researchers have suggested several theories as to why a man would feel compelled to beat up his partner.
But the real truth is this: a man will beat a woman because he can.
There are no similarities between the men who hit. Some are incredibly wealthy, incredibly successful in
their chosen field. Some not so.
Others may be large, fit and strong. Small, underweight, or thin. Black, white, hispanic or asian. The one
thing these guys have in common is that they have chose to succeed in an argument, or a discussion, or a
situation by using their fists.
Using their fists to punch a woman.
In most cases, in a straight physical fight, a man will always win. Men are generally stronger than women.
Everyone is aware of this. So to use force to gain an advantage is simply incorrect. More than that, it’s
pathetic, and weak on the mans part.
Studies of domestic violence claim to show certain tendancies in male behaviour that might lead to physical
violence.
They suggest that a man who seems to be very temperamental, insanely jealous, and just as possessive might
be a candidate.
He may also have issues of low self-esteem, no matter what his outlook and general disposition. He may seem
to the public to be a ‘nice guy’, who has everything in place and under control.
This might well be the case. But the one thing these men cannot control is the mind and actions of their
partner. Therein lies the problem.
Men use violence as a control mechanism. They need to control the entire life of the woman they claim to
like. In all truth, like is too weak a word. They are obsessed. This woman is everything, so abusive men
will dread losing her. And the fears are really irrational.
If she goes to work, he will call her many times. If she is late home he will question her actions. If she
receives a phone call, he will want to know who called, and what was said. He won’t like it if she goes
out without him. And she will continually have to ‘prove’ her like for him, by doing everything he questions,
no matter how unreasonable.
If she isn’t there when he calls, is late home, gets a call from someone unheard of before, or goes out for
an evening without him, these type of actions will send his mind into a frenzy of doubt and insecurity.
Over time, a period of weeks, or sometimes even days, the fears, doubts and insecurities build up. He is
about to lose control, and lash out.
The first time a man hits a woman is the end of the relationship. She needs to leave him there and then.
If she doesn’t, and he gets away with it, then its a matter of time before he does it again.
Having said that, it is very tough for a woman to leave, especially if this man has been pleasant and
loving as the norm. Because of this, women try to examine what they themselves did to cause the man to
hit them. The answer is that there was nothing she could do. The reasons are all in his head.
No matter how charming and apologetic a man is, once he has punched a woman, he has crossed a line where
there is no return.
It is impossible to ‘un-punch’ a woman.
She should leave the house, and call or go to the police.
In the past, domestic violence was not a crime, whereas it is today.
Many women do not report abuse due to dread of losing their security, financial stability, leaving their
home, and not knowing where to turn to. Many also dread an increase in the violence, or being stalked by
the abuser himself.
The female victim must, must, must, leave the house. If he gets away with it once, an abusive man will
only abuse more often, and more violently.

Herbs that Cause Your Breasts to Grow

There is a lot of interest in alternative treatments these days because of the increasing awareness of the adverse effects of drugs.  Whatever is natural is preferred over the synthetic.  The same line of reasoning applies to breast growth.  I have learned that there are some natural herbs that contribute to breast growth.  I’m not a medical doctor but I can share with you what has helped me grow my breasts.

I have always been self-conscious about my small breasts.  Growing up through my teenage years, I never liked to go swimming because putting on a swimsuit made me look more flat-chested.  I longed for larger breasts but I wanted it to be natural, so I did not fancy wearing padded bras or worse still, going for surgery.  So I started some research into how to grow my breasts.  As a result I have found some herbs that can help in breast growth.

The main herbs that enhance breast growth are those that contain plant estrogen or phytoestrogen.  Two of such herbs are wild yam and fenugreek.  So I went to the pharmacy and bought myself 2 bottles of wild yam and fenugreek capsules of 500 milligrams each.  I took them 3 times a day.  I learned that buying these from the pharmacy was cheaper than buying herbal breast enlargement products online that were basically the same thing.

As I continued my research, I realized that just eating supplements was not enough.  To have a higher chance of growing my breasts, I needed to ensure that the psychological aspect was also looked into.  This meant getting enough sleep every night, reducing stress and maintaining a positive belief that my breasts would grow.  During the course of reading up on these matters, I found a website that was promoting these same elements at http://www.grow-larger-breasts-naturally.com.  It was selling an e-book entitled “How I made my Breasts grow Larger naturally”.  Its author, Nancy Newton describes how to influence your breast cells go multiply and grow by using your imagination and emotions.  The website is also full of testimonials from women who have grown their breasts through Nancy’s techniques.  I was convinced so I bought her e-book.

As I continued to eat my supplements and implement Nancy’s techniques, I soon found my breasts growing.  That was so exciting!  My growth was slow but it was steady.  Over a period of nearly 8 months, my breasts grew by two full cup sizes.  And the best part is, since I was eating only natural herbs and using psychological techniques, I did not suffer any side effects at all.

Today, I have breasts that I am truly proud of.  They are not FF but a decent C and I am more than pleased with Nancy Newton’s e-book “How I made my Breasts grow Larger naturally”.

Sexual compatibility of man and woman

Self-appraisal and male dignity of a western man seriously depends on his ability to impassion and satisfy his woman. For that reason representatives of the honest sex thoroughly imitate heavy orgasms if they want to win and retain the man or get something from him. Suchlike methods are widely practiced in the sphere of sexual services or in the career climb and sometimes even make a foundation for the family plot. There has been written an enormous amount of literature devoted to female orgasms and erogenic zones; but those who mainly write and read it are men, not women.
Why do men so heavily concern themselves about niceties of female physiology? The answer is extremely plain. A woman that cannot have orgasm makes a European or American man feel like a debtor who is forward to pay off his best. Thus the woman that refuses to take sex as a man’s debt and expresses her willingness to share equal sexual pleasures with him attracts the man a lot. The main thing about it is to avoid reproaches and humiliating comments when something in his actions goes incorrect and in delicate and patient manner clarify him what he should do.
Sexual compatibility is a ground for harmonic family relations. The compatibility in this context may mean both high mutual passions and relative mutual coldness. There are a lot of successful couples that do not regard sex as actual need and value. They state their relations on other grounds. But, when sexual wants of at least one partner are discontented both of the partners will be consigned to mutual reproaches and conflicts on the smallest pretence.
Sexual disharmony and discontent may be caused not only by individual differences in innate spirits but also by some mental divergence. If you are not indifferent to sexual pleasures, you should pay close attention to it upon acquaintance with a foreigner. Russian women well know man’s psychology therefore they considered as excellent sexual partners and wifes.

Make Him Crazy About You – He’ll Fall In Love

Are you always playing the nice girl and trying to please everyone, but you can never make him fall in like with you? Does it seem to be hopeless, but you really don’t want to give up hope just yet? Do you dream of having that fantastic like and you’re ready to do just about anything? You don’t have to go to extremes to win a man’s like. Just read this article and see how simple like can be.

In the past, women were expected to fulfill a very specific role in a relationship; they cooked, raised the kids, scrubbed the house down and played the perfect small wife. But the roles have changed dramatically and some women seem to have lost their way in the process.

The freedom from the restrictive past has led way to a free and fanciful present, and this also means that sex if wild and free. Women don’t reckon twice about getting into bed with a man they hardly know. It’s the cool and hip thing to do; have sex with no emotions as so many men succeed in doing.

But, when you’re looking to build more of a relationship, the sex with no emotions part isn’t really helpful. And though you may be going to bed with him thinking he’s a potential keeper, he’s still just thinking of having sex and wanting nothing more.

Place this new sexual freedom aside a moment and reckon of the freedom you also have to show him the vibrant, intelligent and ambitious woman you are. Your dates with him can be tinged with a hint of sexual energy, but don’t allow it to be the focal point. You want him to reckon, “Wow, she’s smart, amusing and I like talking to her… and she’s sexy on top of it.”

If you were stuck on the notion that men only want excellent looks and hot sex, you’ll learn a whole new grouping of men if you place your other qualities out there first. This will really allow you to get closer to him, because he’ll want to learn more and more about you, and the sexual tension will remain, even intensify.

Let the friendship grow, all while remaining physically attractive. The combination is a killer and few men can resist a woman they delight in being with and with whom they are keen to one day have sex with.

Not only will he fall in like with you, but he’ll be crazy about you.

Make Him Fall In Love – What Mama Never Told You

Has the dating scene made it clear to you that men just don’t fall in like? Do they only want that one thing and whether you give it to them or not, they never call back? Is it bugging you that so many women seem to find that right like and you just can’t even get close? Maybe you’re just going about it the incorrect way.

We have to admit it; some men are worried to become seriously involved with a woman. Why? Instinctively, they don’t have that push to get into a committed relationship the way women do. But in addition to this, many men have been conditioned to dread commitment based on what they’ve seen happen to the men around them.

The young man who saw his mother badger his father for every go he made may steer clear of relationships. After all, who wants to be told they’re incorrect all the time? Or perhaps his friend got married a while back and he hasn’t seen the poor guy since. Why? The new wife won’t let him out.

Scary, but right. Many women just latch onto a man for dear life and refuse to let the poor guy breathe without her.

So if you want to get past his dread, you have to be able to show him that a relationship with you is going to be fun, carefree and respectful of the man that he is. Show him that you’re impressed with the things he tells you about himself and watch your tongue if you’re often tempted to right him or point out a weakness of his.

This isn’t to say that you should agree with everything he says or applaud his every go, but be generous nonetheless with your praise and restrict the number of negative comments.

Also appreciate his need for a small time on his own. Sure you’re fun and he enjoys being with you, but if you insist on becoming his entire life or request that he place aside his friends, you could end up alone.

All of this can easily have you on your way to making him fall in like with you.

Why Men Cheat – Think About This

Why men cheat.  That is an age ancient question.  When he cheats, you feel pain like no other.  It cuts to the heart.  Was it your fault?  Could you have done anything about it or done something to prevent it?  Let us reassure you – it probably was not your fault.  So, why did he do it?  Lets look at why men cheat.

Why do we say that it probably is not your fault?  Well, reckon about this – do you know any woman who is absolutely wonderful – and her man still cheats on her?  Whose fault is it?  Was it hers?  No.  It was his fault – and the fault of the woman he cheated with.

Some women want to attract men – any men or not – married or not – in a      relationship or not.  They will use sex as an attraction.  They reckon that this   is how to make a guy fall in like and make him commit to them.  It makes          them feel vital and loved.  They feel that the way to make him fall in          like is to use sex.  The fact is that sex and like are 2 different things, but             they have not realized it.  So, they will try to attract your man.

Male psychology says that men want to feel vital and attractive.  And       they like sex.  So, when we talk about why men cheat, we need to know that it rarely has anything to do with their girl friend or wife.    The problem lies with the man himself.

Excellent dating advice says that if your man has cheated, he has told you            what kind of person he is – not what kind of person you are.  The cheating is his fault, not your fault.  Is this the kind of man you want to spend the       rest of your life with?  This is a question that only you can answer.

Remember – cheating is the fault of the cheater.  It shows a defect in him.  Remember that when you consider why men cheat.

Diagnosing Anakin Skywalker

Diagnosing Anakin Skywalker

by Carolyn Kaufman, PsyD

A group of French researchers have proposed that Anakin Skywalker had Borderline Personality Disorder. This article looks at why, along with the evidence for and against such a diagnosis.

WHAT IS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is essentially an inability to modulate (manage) emotion, which means all emotions come out far more intensely than the average person’s — especially the negative ones. Because most of them were raised in unhealthy, abusive situations, people with BPD don’t tend to have healthy coping mechanisms, and that means they experience a lot of hard emotions. Rage and depression are two of their most common emotional states. The internal chaos is so overwhelming that many self-injure (cut, burn, or otherwise deliberately harm themselves) in an attempt to get the inside pain out into a physical form.

Splitting

If the first hallmark of BPD is self-injury, the second is “splitting.” When children are small, they go through a stage where the “excellent” Mommy (or “excellent” Daddy) they like and the “terrible” Mommy (Daddy) they get mad with feel like two different people. Most people eventually integrate the two and come to know that you can like and despise someone at the same time. People with BPD continue to split into adulthood, which means they categorize other people into those who belong on pedestals and those they despise. And they can shift people from one category to the other very quickly.

People with BPD are often frantic to have someone else there to deal with all that emotional overload for them, which can be exhausting for the other person. They will do anything to hold onto the person — scream, weep, beg, threaten to kill themselves (or make an attempt), or use other manipulative methods.

Controversy

BPD is a controversial diagnosis, though. Feminist therapists and institutions tend to feel very strongly about not diagnosing anyone with BPD. They believe the symptoms are really indicative of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and that referring to someone as “borderline” is stigmatizing them rather than addressing the problem. (Especially because some therapists don’t want to work with BPD — it’s arguably the toughest thing to deal with because BPD clients need so much.)

ANAKIN’S SYMPTOMS

So what about the Anakin we meet in Star Wars episodes I, II, and III?

The diagnosis works, at least for those episodes, if you spin it right.

Anakin has particularly strong negative reactions to a variety of events, which could arguably be due to an inability to deal with the unpleasant feelings they cause. He certainly has distress taking Obi-Wan’s criticism, and his ourburst in the Tuskan camp after watching his mother die is extreme: he goes berserk and kills everyone. Then when he sees Padme he breaks down, saying, “I killed them… I killed them all…even the women and the children…”

Padme tends to regulate emotion for him, and as a result he has her on a pedestal…until the end of episode III, when she confronts his movement toward the Dark Side. In an instant he goes from loving her to trying to choke her to death.

The Researchers’ Criteria

The researchers provide examples for the diagnostic criteria they feel fits Anakin’s behavior (starred).

Criterion 1: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

**His dread of losing his mother is the basis of all his actions. His efforts to save his wife at all costs, in absence of real threat, end with him turning to the dark side.**

Why is losing his mother the basis for everything?

And since Padme’s life is really in danger at several points during the films, the authors seem to be pathologizing more or less normal behavior.

A better example would be Anakin’s repeated insistence that he wants to become so powerful he’ll be able to keep people from dying because he can’t tolerate losing them.

Criterion 2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

**His relationships with his masters Jedis, in particular Obi-wan, swings from like to hatred.**

This makes sense; going from adoring Padme to being willing to kill her so quickly also fits this category.

Criterion 3: Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

**He experiences a major dissociative episode after his mother’s death and when his wife abandons him.**

There is no evidence of dissociation, which is a split in consciousness that leaves one feeling disconnected from oneself or one’s environment. In more extreme circumstances, people will have amnesia for their behaviors.

But Anakin knows exactly what he did in the Tuskan camp. He justifies his behavior with “I despise them…they’re animals, so I slaughtered them like animals.” At the end he says, “I’m a Jedi, I’m better than that,” which you could argue was the part of him that didn’t want to do it and was stuck watching the rest of him act, but that was added to the DVD release to try to soften what he did. It wasn’t in the version that showed in theaters.

Criterion 4: Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging

**Pod racing from an early age, he often takes unnecessary risks in battles by acting on impulse.**

Children have no real concept of danger or death at the age when Anakin goes pod racing. Anakin does do a lot of other impulsive things, though, long after he knows better.

A excellent example is jumping out of a “car,” which is hovering hundreds of tales above the ground, to catch Padme’s would-be assassin in another “car” below. He gets in distress with Obi-Wan constantly because he does things without thinking (or thinks and just doesn’t like what he’s supposed to do instead). And he does go running into fights without much thought.

Criterion 5: Inappropriate, intense rage or difficulty controlling rage His mother’s death induces uncontrollable rage in him.

**His lack of self-control leads him to argue frequently with the members of the council.**

How much of this is just immaturity on Anakin’s part? Should it really be diagnosed?

Criterion 6: identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

**Before turning into Darth Vader he is very unsure of who he was, and what he wanted.**

All teens go through normal identity confusion, figuring out who and what they want to be, but Anakin does know one thing: he wants to be extremely powerful and do whatever he wants.

IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH EVIDENCE?

To carry the diagnosis through episodes IV, V, and VI, you have to find an explanation for Vader’s cool control.

One might be that someone with BPD can often regulate emotions better if he has a strong outside system to keep him from exploding. For example, some people with the diagnosis do well in the military because there’s so much structure and no tolerance for emotional outbursts. The structure regulates them. Likewise, when someone starts behaving inappropriately in a therapist’s office, sometimes the best thing to do is take the tough like approach and tell them to cut it out, place their backside in the chair, and do therapy.

But there are still problems, most notably the fact that there is a better diagnosis, and that’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Grandiosity, a focus on power, a desire to be admired and even worshipped, and a strong belief that he shouldn’t have to play by the rules are all characteristic of NPD, and they’re all characteristic of both Anakin and Darth Vader. He meets all of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and he meets them without any real need for explanation.

SO DID ANAKIN SKYWALKER HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

Probably not, but he sure nailed the Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis.

Now, as for what’s incorrect with George Lucas, compelled as he seems to be to keep mutilating the original Star Wars films… I don’t have a diagnosis for him, but I sure wish someone would make him stop.

Make Him Commit – Giving Him the Gentle Nudge he Needs

Have you spent the last months trying to get him to commit to you, but you’re not having any luck? Does he really seem to be in like with you, but you can tell that there’s something holding him back? Is it frustrating to see how your relationship is just stagnating when you want to push along so much further? To many men commitment is synonymous with prison. You have to convince him otherwise.

Every man has seen it at some point in their lives. Either their friend is now condemned to Sundays tending to his wife’s needs instead of watching the game. Or their brother has to sit through dull dinners instead of going out with his friends on Thursdays. Or even they themselves have been through the wringer with a woman who barely allowed him to breath without her okay.

Once you know that mindset, you can set out to show him that life with you will not be that unpleasant. If you’ve already begun taking control over his life, even the small things that you might reckon insignificant, know that he’s keeping count. Though you may not be aware of your controlling ways, he most certainly is.

Take a step back and give him some breathing space. Let him have a honest chance at seeing that life with you could be fantastic and that you won’t become that overbearing wife who doesn’t let her husband have an ounce of fun.

It can help if you have a life of your own. Many times when women clamp onto a man so tightly, it’s due to their insecurities and their lack of enjoyable activities. Call up your friends and have fun with them. Return to the classes you might have set aside for your man. He’ll admire your independent streak and will feel the weight of having to carry you lifted from his shoulders.

Don’t strangle him with your perfect image of what a romance should be. This isn’t a novel; it’s real life. And in real life, men need to still be able to feel strong and manly, all while being allowed the boyish fun they’ve always had. Don’t kill that. Show him that you like him all the more for it. Once he sees life with you will be enhanced and not suffocated, he’ll make that commitment.

How To Stop Waiting For The Perfect Mate And Find Love Now

All have a dream of perfection, of the perfect mate who will know their every need before they say it and match their inner image of woman/man at their best. This person is the perfect complement, able to bring out his best, free the person from inhibition; someone they will be proud to be seen with in the world.

Some might say that this is really a search for the Holy Grail. Others might suggest that clinging to this image of perfection is a defense, preventing a real life person from being able to win the seeker’s heart.

The yearning for the perfect mate manifests itself differently, and has various consequences in a person’s life. Some realize what they’re feeling. Others are entirely unconscious of what is going on inside.

I was looking for perfection,” said Hans, “I would only go out with extraordinarily gorgeous women – models, women like that. Then, when I met someone who seemed to fit the bill there was initial crush and a certain period when it kept up. e. Then she got on my nerves.I would suddenly start to realize small things that they weren’t perfect; her skin, way of talking – really superficial, silly things. From that moment, I was basically leaving them all the time.

One of the powerful aspects of waiting for the perfect lover is the belief that the person will always stay exactly the same. Based upon an image, rather than reality,we believe that this person can never be touched by the ravages of time. But when we seek an image, rather than reality, inevitably things fall apart.

Each person has their own specific dream of the perfect lover or mate For some she’s gorgeous, sexual, unconditionally loving, giving him whatever he wants. She seldom talks back and gives small distress. She is there predominantly to glorify him, reflect on his manhood and sexual prowess. Who she is as a person is secondary. Not only is it secondary, in many cases her personality, ambitions and individuation seriously get in the way.

For others the perfect lover is tough. She’ll challenge, stimulate, perhaps even abuse. She’s there to make him toe the line, perhaps reminiscent of his childhood experiences with a strict parent.

As people wait and long for this perfect lover, they cannot see the person who is in front of them. That person becomes only someone to fill up time, until the perfect person appears on the scene. When people leave this kind of secondary relationship, they may not feel as though they’re leaving, because they’ve never really been there in the first place. They’ve never had the chance to really know if this person could have been right for them or not.

When a person is seen simply as an extension of one’s identity, then seeking the perfect woman is really seeking perfection in oneself. A person who lives this way is skating on thin ice. Only a strong sense of self, based upon inner values and self respect will permit a person to make a solid relationship that will last through time and grow richer and fuller, rather than blow away in the wind.

Hans continued, “I finally just got completely bored with it all. I don’t know if it was age, or if I was just becoming more aware, but I never had a feeling of fulfillment, no matter how many women I had.

Finally I met someone who was better for me. This was a completely different situation from my other relationships. Probably though, I had to change and grow, so I could meet and appreciate a person like my wife.

Hans had to go through a period of emptiness, and depression as he realized the unreality of his search. An image brings only temporary pleasure. It can never bring fulfillment. In order to find real like, Hans started to work on himself, to meditate, take long walks, and find what was vital in his life. As he did this, he was taking responsibility for making himself pleased, finding his own core. As he felt better about himself, he felt better with others as well. Soon he started to appreciate the different women he met for who they truly were. From this vantage point it became simple to find a relationship that would truly nourish both of them.

When we make someone else into an image, we are simultaneously doing the same to ourselves. An image can never bring happiness; only a real flesh and blood person who we respect and admire, can do that.

« Previous Page — Next Page »