Marriage?

Society does two things to men and women that make more and more of today’s marriages destined to die.

1. It tells men what they are supposed to desire in a woman.

2. It then tells women the way they are supposed to be to become desirable.

Since women are not that way, but feel pressure to become that way, many marriages are doomed from the beginning. And many that do not end in divorce continue in various degrees of unhappiness, particularly for the women involved.

Statistics tell us that women instigate more than 75% of today’s divorces. This flight of women from marriage has prompted books such as Maggie Gallagher’s The Abolition of Marriage: How We Ruin Lasting Like. Gallagher calls for a return to fault divorces as a “cure” for divorce. She feels the individual’s right to choice and self-gratification has brought an “institution” to the brink of extinction.

Gallagher writes, “As a private association of two individuals, marriage may have as many meanings and as many goals as there are private individuals. But as a public institution, marriage has one overriding purpose: to make an environment in which it is safe to have children.”

Yet marriage is composed of two adults, both of whom have a right to happiness.

Statistics have shown single women as more pleased than married women for decades. University of Texas sociologist Norvel Glenn finds the happiness of single women continues to grow. In addition, he found that, despite no-fault divorce enabling simple marriage exit and despite the high divorce rate, the number of pleased marriages are still falling–from more than 50% in 1973 to less than 40% today.

If we are seeing an enormous increase in divorce, we should be seeing only pleased marriages left. We aren’t.

The divorce rate has climbed, the number of miserable marriages that remain has climbed, and the happiness of single women has climbed…

What does this mean for the institution of marriage?

Add another factor says Gallagher, “Part of the relative instability of two-career couples may be due to self-selection: Wives with less traditional attitudes may be more likely to both work full time and divorce. But there is another explanation that has been mostly ignored: Full-time working women, especially women who are working against their wishes, may be more prone to divorce because they get less from marriage.

“A woman at home, (part or full time) who chooses divorce must give up her entire way of life. By contrast, a wife who works full time and divorces can simply continue to do what she is doing anyway. Life may get a small harder–or even a lot harder–but for a wife with a full-time job, a change in her marital status does not seem to entail a radical transformation of her day-to-day lifestyle.”

“Oh, my, my, my,” says Society with a capital “S,” while wringing its hands and shaking its head, “If we could just get those women back to the farm… If we could just get that genie back in the bottle…”

Is it right?

If we could just get these women back to the farm; if we could just get women to stay home again, would they be worried to leave marriage because the kids might starve?

If we could just get those women under control again, reverse those child support laws, and go back to the ancient ways, would everything be better?

If we could just return to the “excellent ol’ days” when “men were men and women were women” and everyone knew their place in marriage and society, would marriage work again?